I am communicating to Maia and Ivan mostly over the phone over the past few weeks. In spite of my frequent visits to Budapest and Emese's trips to Bulgaria with the kids during Christmas I feel very much disconnected from them. It is not a pleasant feeling. The phone communication with a three and a half years old is quite limiting - Maia still has not learned to tell about things that happened to her. She would rather answer questions - briefly and without much detail. "What did you do today", I ask. "Went to the kindergarten", she replies. "What did you do there"? "Played with the kids". But even these brief answers are very pleasant for me to listen to. Sometimes when she is excited about something she might take the initiative and tell about it: "Today there was a big snow", she reported yesterday. "And did you like it", I inquired. "Yes, I did", was the brief answer. Quite enjoyable for me.
Ivan is more talkative. He could go on and on for a few minutes. But his language no one understands yet. Sometimes he says something like "Pawaw", which i guess is my name. But then it is sometimes also "Vawvaw" - which is his word for any non-human creature. He loves using it and somehow expects his mom to try and explain that, for instance, "no, this is not a dog, this is a cat, it says myawoo". But he speaks much longer that in his Ivanish tongue. Most recently, I heard from Emese, he likes playing with a doll received as a new year's present in Bulgaria. The doll has the remarkable feature of singing a famous Bulgarian children's song: Mila Moya Mamo (my dear mother). Ivan now sings along with the doll, Emese said, and actually does it quite correctly, as I heard over the phone. Something to check with him when I get there this weekend.

It has been more than two months since I am not based permanently with Maia, Ivan and Emese. As a second year PhD student I need to spend time researching post-socialist newsrooms. This brought me back to Bulgaria, about 8 years after I left it to live and work abroad. The experience of being back in my dear motherland for a longer period is worth a separate blog post. But the least pleasant part of it is that Emese and kids are not with me.

When it became clear that I will most likely need to spend most of my second year of research in Bulgaria back in May we made a quick decision with Emese that she will also relocate from the UK. For a number of good reasons moving together to Bulgaria did not sound like a good idea - not least among which was the fact that Emese's employer is based in Budapest; that there we have our flat; and that England is not exactly the easiest country for a single mother.

The transfer of the family back to Budapest wend quite smoothly back in September. I spent a few weeks with them before I went on to Bulgaria to start my field work. The start was then postponed until early November, but in any case, I have already been living alone in my parent's house in Sofia for several weeks.

This is the first time for me to stay longer without the kids and Emese and it feels very weird. We speak on the phone with Emese every day, and often I can hear Maia and Ivan on the other side of the phone. They came to visit me last week, and I was seeing them in Budapest a few weeks earlier. But I still miss them a lot when they are not around. On the other side, I am getting easily used to the life without kids (and woman) at home - I go out to see people every evening, sleep until time comes to go to work, and have more time for work than usual.

At the same time Emese is alone with the two of them in Budapest. They are attending kindergarten and nursery in one and the same place, conveniently chosen along Emese's driving route to the office. So she takes them there every morning, and collects them in the afternoons. After the first month of this routine she seemed quite exhausted, so I took up the initiative to at least identify a baby-sitter for her. This worked out fine, so now at least she has some help, particularly for the days when she needs to travel out of Budapest and is not always able to come back on time to collect Ivan and Maia.

And yet, this is a difficult period for us. Horgos has become a key point for meetings - as I can get there within a day by bus or train, and Emese can use it as a starting point for some of her business trips. Our next meeting there will be by this week's end, and I am looking forward to it.

Забележителни са разликите между две деца, родени от двама едни и същи родители, и раснещи при сравнително сходни условия. Нещо, което се набива на очи при Иван е абсолютното чувство за върховна собственост върху майка си, което той очевидно притежава. Както писах наскоро, той е доста кротко и ведро момче. В качеството му на второ дете е свикнал да не бъде в центъра на внимание постоянно - от както се е родил му се случва да бъде забравен за кратко или по-дълго, за разлика от първородната принцеса сестра му. Но всичко това важи само при едно условие - майка му да не е наблизо.
Присъствието на Емеше оказва преобразително въздействие върху сина ни. Внезапно той престава да бъде кротък и мълчалив и става много много шумен. Не може да задържи вниманието си върху нищо друго за повече от минута и при всеки удобен повод зарязва заниманията си и се примъква към Емеше. Тя от своя страна е долкова свикнала с това му поведение, че напълно машинално го подхваща на ръце. В следствие на това обичайната гледка вечер у нас е Емеше понесла Иван, примерно, слага чай или супата да се стопли или върши каквото има да върши. Мисля, че вече стана дума за една друга разлика между Иван и Майа - тази в килограмите. Благодарение на нея всъщност разнасянето на Иван хич не е лека работа вече и не е за учудване, че Емеше бързо се изморява от нея.
Най-забележителни са реакциите на Иван ако друг се осмели да демонстрира близост с майка му. В случай, че аз се доближа до нея или, не дай боже, я прегърна, Иван моментално надава вик на протест. Ако това се окаже недостатъчно или незабелязано, преминава в открита атака, като с малките си но силни ръчички се опитва да ме отдели от скъпоценната му. Когато и това не помогне вдига длан и ме отблъсква право в лицето, безцеремонно, като същий пехливанин.
Не ще и дума, той прави същото и спрямо Майа.
Забавното е, че преди и след раждането на Иван, ние внимателно наблюдавахме реакциите на сестра му и се стараехме да неутрализираме евентуална ревност от нейна страна, каквато можеше да се очаква. Разбира се нашествието на новородения брат не мина без протести и раздразнение, но като цяло Майа се представи доста добре и от самото начало се привърза много към Иван. Неговата ревност спрямо нея, обаче, е нещо ново, за което по-малко сме подготвени. Естествето тя предизвиква обратна реакция, в резултат на която се случва и двамата да пищят в подстъпите към майчините обятия. Моето присъствие и прегръдка не винаги успяват да разведрят напрежението, въпреки че Майа обикновено ги приема като достойна утеха. Нерядко Емеше се оказва с по едно дете във всяка ръка - състояние, при което очевидно само може да седи. Добре, че нямаме трето, защото нямаше да й стигнат ръцете, както стана дума снощи при подобна ситуация.

Just like his sister a year or so ago, Ivan has developed the habit of crying loud after waking up. I understand, this is a way to announce to the World - i.e. his mother - that he is awake so the World should report to him. He does it regardless of what time of the day or night it is. One thing I had noticed though is that whenever instead of his mother the World reports in the form of his daddy - that is myself - Ivan tends to stop shouting very quickly.
Today I was left home with him, following a weekend of high fever that stroke him out of nowhere. We knew this wasn't the "swine" flue, not least because Emese took Ivan to a doctor on Saturday morning. So we were only keeping an eye on his body temperature and making sure he eats, drinks liquids, and does not go beyond 39 degrees Centigrade. Of course this also made him much sleepier and cuddlier than usual.
So today he overslept generously after being taken to our bed by his beloved mother about 7 am. Later, about 9, he woke up, just to find me around, and continued sleeping like a prince. Emese wanted to check his temperature but I did not want to wake him up. She had long gone to work and I had been working on my e-mail for quite a while when I heard strange noises from the bedroom.
Not the usual shouting, escalating to screaming if no one shows up. Not even a genuine cry of a sick baby. Nothing of the kind. These were happy noises. I was quite amazed and walked to the room to check what was the source and reason of such joyful gurggling. I found Ivan sitting in the bed, smiling, and holing an empty bottle in his hands. Indeed, I had left it half full of yoghurt drink - his favourite - just next to the bed.
It seems that he had woken up, seen the drink and helped himself to it, and felt so happy and relieved that he had to speak it out. As I am now writing Ivan is sitting on the floor of his room and playing on his own already for about half an hour. He can see me, but it does not seem to occur to him to come and hand on my trousers, as I have seen him do with his mother. I have to admit that not being the centre of his World has some advantages, and I am happy to remain in the periphery as long as possible.

A month or so before his first birthday Ivan is a real athlete. He is so strong, I sometimes feel he is stronger than Maia at the moment (who is 2 years older than him). This is nothing new, of course, we have got used to him being much more difficult to handle already for months. Putting his legs or arms into a body is a real struggle. His kicks and sudden twists never stop, and my mother and Emese delegate the changing to me whenever possible. Could be the man's nature. Could also be individual - someone has to inherit my mother's sports spirit after all.
As part of the picture, Ivan has been crawling for more than 2 months now. Originally he started just pulling himself ahead on his arms, almost without using his legs. Yesterday I saw him for the first time to raise on four legs and crawl in the usual way, and Emese confirmed that he has been doing this for some time already.
More impressively, for over a month now, he is keen to stand on his feet, and does it more and more confidently. As mentioned already his legs are strong as stones. These days he is able to stand up on his own, whenever there is anything to lean on, and then he can stand for 10, 20 minutes or more, happily observing the world from a vertical view point. Stepping is still unknown to him as a concept, perhaps because he tends to do it on his toes - that I admit must be my genes' fault.

Today for the first time Maia nodded approvingly instead of saying 'yes'. She did it in the West European way, vertically, and not in the 'reversed' Bulgarian way - quite natural, I thought, given the fact that she most probably learned this from the nursery.
Such a small thing could remain unnoticed of course. Every day there are things that she or Ivan do for the first time and I think should be noted here. But then the days are busy, and the nights - even more. Weeks and months pass, and years too. Maia will soon be 3, and Ivan - 1. It feels somewhat guilty to realize that I have abandoned this blog. The fact is, life takes its toll, and it is mostly free time. So things that take time get simply too difficult to get to: and struggling with spam on this platform is one. Reformatting photos manually so that they can fit is another. I am thinking of migrating the entire blog to Blogspot where security is higher, and formatting is automatized. But I would not like to lose Vassil's excellent design - one of the most precious gifts received for Maia's birth. Before I decide what and how to do I will be coming back to post something here whenever I can, just to make sure important things get recorded.

It came as quite a surprise. We were just starting to think about how and when to 'potty-train' Maia when she basically informed us, that she is 'a big girl already' and wants to do it like the other children in the nursery. Indeed, she has been able to tell about her needs for months already, but we never came to the point of actually trying to take her off the nappies.
One day after taking her to the nursery I asked Liz - Maia's favorite nanny what to do. Liz based on her decades of experience recommended that we should just take off the nappies for one weekend, and should then inform her on the following Monday so that she would keep taking Maia regularly to the loo. She was very negative about the pants-like nappies: "They would just confuse her", Liz said.
We then thought what would be a good time, perhaps Emese's planned trip to Horgos with the kids in May, and so on... Until one Friday, the last before the trip, Emese just took the nappies off Maia and asked her to tell us when she needs to use the WC. And she did!
Since then Maia has been very proud, telling how she is a 'big girl now'. And very reliable, telling us punctually and early enough when she is 'in need' so that one of us could take her to the loo.
She was not too fond of the pot and chose to use the toilet seat herself. A few weeks later she started insisting doing it without anyone's help.
Originally we kept the nappies on her during the night, but then I opened Armin Brott's book (admittedly I have barely opened it since Ivan was born) and somehow decided to stop that too. Now I am taking her for one WC session about midnight, just before I go to bed myself, and in 99% of the cases this keeps her dry till the morning session. The 1% cases have, in our observation, been a result of special circumstances: like coldness, flu etc.
So here we are, buying nappies for one child only again. And adding a new colourful set of tiny underwear on the drying ropes.

В края на Май написах една статия за града, в който живеем, Милтън Кийнс. Може да я прочетете тук. Добре, че беше Ива и "Дневник", че да седна да опиша поне малко това интересно място. Самите ние с Емеше имахме своите колебания по отношение на МК, но към днешна дата и двамата по-скоро се отнасяме позитивно към него. На хубаво лесно се свиква, а усещането за зеленина, свежест и спокойствие, което излъчва този град, със сигурност е хубаво за нас. Към преимуществата, бегло спометати в статията, мога да прибавя сравнително по-ниските цени на наеми и детски ясли - с уговорката, че става въпрос за сравнение с Лондон или други близки до нас местожителства, където тези цени са чудовищни. Иначе и тук, в МК, нещата не са въобще розови, най-евтината общинска ясла струва над 800 паунда на месец - за сравнение отлична общинска ясла в първи район на Будапеща излизаше около 15 - 20 паунда. И едната и другата цена са субсидирани, а разликата със сигурност не отразява пропорцията в разликата между средните приходи в двете страни. С други думи, да се гледат и издържат деца в Англия е многократно по-трудно от финансова гледна точка, смея да твърдя, независимо от това в коя обществена и приходна категория се намира човек - имам достоверни източници от различни обществени прослойки, на които дължа този извод.